Granted. Now you're not moving out at all.

I wish that stupid people would shut their mouths.

Granted. But they've developed a method for talking with their mouths closed, so nothing changes.

I wish Shakespeare's writing made more sense.

Granted. However, he is no longer hailed as one of the greatest writers of all time. In his place, Oprah has risen to power.

I wish I had gold spray paint so I could paint a flam on my skateboard.

Granted, but instead of painting a gold flam, you find yourself uncontrollably painting charicatures of old people doing the nasty. And they came out quite nice. Excellent attention to detail. Good job. You might end up making a career out of this. Maybe illustrate the newest edition of the Kama Sutra.

I wish tinnitus was a sign of excellent hearing.

Granted, but the ringing is even louder now because of that most excellent hearing ability. Oh and you can hear lots of other annoying frequencies that normal humans can't.

I wish I had lunch... good food, not rotten or poisoned.

granted. you get food poisoning at dinner.

i wish my school got more money so we can buy a new drumline.

Granted. Brand new Verve drums for everyone!

I wish I had enough money to afford college.

Granted. You earn that money by stripping for bachelorette parties, and your grandmother happens to be your first customer.

I wish I didn't have to practice french horn to play it well.

Granted, your BD decides that the french horn is a pointless instrument and wants you to learn a instrument that has meaning.........Flute.

I wish Marching season would come already.

Granted unfortunatley, (warning - graphic)

joking

unfortunately your band was short percussionists and the ones you did have lacked skills so your book is watered down and sucks.

I wish 2009 corps tryouts would come and I would make the snareline.